


Do Not Dwell

by ladyknight1512



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-24 08:55:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4913161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyknight1512/pseuds/ladyknight1512
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The past does not define her. She keeps her faith, knows her own strength, and she perseveres.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do Not Dwell

**Author's Note:**

> Another repost. I've always liked this one. It's more a character study than a story.
> 
> These characters are the property of FOX, Ryan Murphy, .et al.

She doesn’t know if she’s alive or dead.

She’d like to hope she’s alive, because she believes in life after death, and this? This hazy grey fog? This numbing silence? It’s not really what she had in mind. She can’t remember seeing any kind of light either, white or otherwise, and—

No. No, she’s not going to think about that anymore.

So she floats, let’s the fog carry her, and her mind wanders back to before. Before she was “Quinn Fabray,” when she was just Little Lucy.

**\- o – o – o -**

She’s four years old and she feels like a princess in her yellow sundress. Frannie made her a daisy chain and she’s wearing it in her hair. She clicks the heels of her little white sandals together and kicks her legs higher.

Momma calls out to her from the back door, tells her to be careful, to not swing too high or she’ll fall. But Lucy’s not scared of falling. She can see the bright blue sky above her and she wants to reach out and touch it. She wants to grow wings and fly, fly far away from here.

So she squeezes her eyes shut tight and tries. Daddy always says she can do anything it she tries hard enough.

**\- o – o – o -**

She’s twelve and she’s certain no one likes her. She’s not pretty like the other girls, not like her sister, and she’s not athletic. She likes books so at lunch she sits with her English partner. They don’t really talk because Sophie is usually writing, scribbling down stories of her own in a notebook with a blue cover.

Lucy tried writing once but she wasn’t very good at it so she gave it up. Not that it mattered much really; as it turned out, she could only think up stories about plump little girls who wanted to be ballerinas.

**\- o – o – o -**

She’s fifteen and it’s the first day of sophomore year. She’s Head Cheerleader, she’s dating Finn Hudson. She’s blonde and beautiful, smart and talented. All the girls want to be her, and all the boys want to date her. She’s one of the few people in this town who is going places.

She’s Quinn Fabray, she’s perfect, and this is her year.

**\- o – o – o -**

She’s sixteen and it’s four weeks to the day they lost to Vocal Adrenaline at Regional’s. Other than that there is nothing significant about this day. It’s not special in any way.

She tells herself that Puck’s not at school because he’s got one of this 24 hour stomach bugs, and then she goes home, sits opposite her mother at dinner and decides Mom is watching her so closely because she looks particularly lovely today.

**\- o – o – o -**

She’s almost seventeen. She’s lost her dad, lost Beth, lost Puck and Sam. But she’s got Finn again so she’s okay. He’s like an anchor, or a rock, not for her to cling to, because she’s Quinn Fabray and she doesn’t cling to anything, but to steady herself against.

If his own foundations are a little shakier than they used to be, that’s okay too. Because together they’ll be crowned at Prom and he’ll realise how much he loves her, and maybe she’ll be able to stop fighting so hard for the things she wants.

**\- o – o – o -**

She’s seventeen and she’s being haunted by a little girl with blonde curls and hazel eyes. Beth is in her dreams and on her mind always, and whenever she sees Puck she feels a sharp stab of jealousy.

He’s no less idiotic than he ever was but he’s quieter, calmer, walks around with his mouth curled in some small semblance of a smile. And Quinn knows it’s because he gets to see her, hold her, sing her to sleep.

She’s never wanted something so much in her life.

**\- o – o – o -**

She’s still seventeen but now she alternates between feelings so much younger and so much older than she actually is.

She’s holding an envelope with the Yale insignia in the corner and she’s terrified. She applied to other colleges and she knows she’ll get into at least one of them but, privately, she built Yale up in her head, almost like Rachel and Kurt have done with NYADA.

If she gets into Yale everything she’s done, every choice she’s made, it will all have been worth it.

**\- o – o – o -**

She’s eighteen and she opens her eyes. Turns out she’s not dead after all, but a part of her dies inside when the doctor tells her about her legs and the chair. She’s so angry that she throws her cup of water across the room and tries to unsee the way her mother recoiled.

It’s just not fair. She’s come so far, overcome so much.

**\- o – o – o -**

It’s something that stays with her her entire life, how much she’s overcome, how she keeps beating the odds, even when they’re stacked against her. She keeps her faith, knows her own strength, and she perseveres.

She is, after all, Quinn Fabray.


End file.
